Response to your earlier posts...

Wow. My girlies. For once I feel like I'm totally on the oppposite side of you two right now. I tested out the party scene two weekends ago (I think you all remember how that went...AKA maaaaaaajor drunk dialing) and that night convinced me that there could be no good to come out of 'partying' at Wesleyan. Nothing about it is attractive, because all it does is remind me how much I really hate central Illinois and how much I miss my friends and BA. I suffer with that enough during the day SIN alcohol. And sex...please. You should see the amazing selection of 5 foot 4 inch lovely gentleman that go to this school. What I'm trying to say is, for the first time in my life, I have zero temptaion to party and or be involved in sexual activity.

HOWEVER.

I still really feel like I left a huge part of my relationship with God in Argentina. A lot of it has carried over, but mostly I'm at a total loss when it comes to FRIENDS in Christ. As in...pretty much zero. None of my friends who I thought would be really excited about WM have even mentioned it to me, and I rarely see them anyway. I dont know how to talk about God or my experiences with Him abroad with my friends at this school. I feel isolated, which makes it easier for me to be 'pure', but I just dont know...I've never been the kind of person that can be with God sola. Yeah, so here I go on rambling...ughhhhhhhhh. So while ya'll are out partying, I'm here with God bored out of my mind. And sad. And lonley. Hmm....

Long story short, I would really really love it if maybe we could all run away together. I'm praying for you girls. Becca - you'll be ready when you are ready. And can I get a time out..I'M PRETTY SURE that you know that God loves you and forgives you no matter what. We are in the midst of one of the most conflicting and confusing times in our lives, and all he asks is for us to trust in him. We are growing in our walk...we are not instantaneous marathon runners. Bri - that is some heavy stuff! And honestly, I think the best part about that contract is the fact that you signed it with other women. You have a support system. I can't even begin to describe how difficult it is to NOT have one (of course I have you girls, but I can't hold your hands when I pray or get hugs :( you know what i mean). Having that foundation will help you fulfill those promises, and I think God will really show you that signature was worth it. ;)


Love you all sooo friggin much. Would you guys like to pick out a book to do a bible study on? I'm DYING for a bible study group and even if we take our time with it I think it would still be a lot of fun. We can take turns, one or two chapters at a time, post every Tuesday?

Verse to LOVE this week:
For out of the overflow of the heard, the mouth speaks. Luke 6:45
What we chose to fill our hearts with, we will share with others. I think this blog is a perfect example. Thank you for sharing your love filled hearts with me and letting me share the same with you. I love you girlies more than you know.

Life at Penn State

Hey girls!

Life has been.... strange. I saw Ryan yesterday for the first time. Not as bad as I had anticipated, I'm just still slightly regretting the entire relationship, but entirely healed of heart break and LOVING being single. My classes are all boring and it's been really hard getting back into the swing of school. Work is great. I have a better position and more regular hours and I just love the people I work with and it's always fun to go to work (except the COLD walk there). It's snowing and it's gorgeous but too cold for comfort.

I've had a really hard time deciding what to be here. Should I be a Christian or just a normal college kid? And sometimes I feel like I can do both and have the best of both worlds, and other times I feel convicted to "stand up and walk" and actually do something and live entirely for God. This morning after coming from church, I was totally like, yeah I'm so ready God, just take my life. I'm ready to do your will.. bla bla bla. And then I get back and I'm planning my trip to Europe for Spring Break (which btw I am sooo excited for). But it's still this endless question of what are the boundaries? What's ok? And I had intended on coming back to the US and just waiting until I turned 21 to drink, but I guess I like drinking a little more than I thought. And I love being in college and I love how some stupid parties make everyone family. I LOVE IT. But on the other hand, I love how when you're standing in church singing worship music, you can feel God moving around the room touching you and people around you. You can see it in people's faces and you can hear it in their voices. I am always so touched. I think to myself, this is so AWESOME that this many people can openly love God and lift their voices to Him. And then I leave church, and that sensation is totally gone. Of course. That's how probably 80% of the people in the church feel every week. I do kind of still feel like I CAN do both though. I can go out and hang out on the weekends and still go to church on Sunday mornings. But I want more. I still am having such a hard time just giving myself up and saying, "God you can have ALL of my time. Not just Sunday mornings and Tuesday nights but ALL of my time."

And then there's this:
15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. (revelation 3:15-16)
Better to be a complete sinner than a lukewarm Christian. So I can't have both. I must choose. And this morning I was on fire. Right now, I'm like, "you know what Lord? I just don't really feel like it. I know you're great and everything and you've done a lot for me, but I just don't really feel like it." It's like what's wrong with me?!

I think I'm just actually happy right now and I don't feel like I need to change anything. I love having time to myself and being back here at school. I feel good about myself. I feel healthy. The pastor at the church here told me that someone wrote the best way to get close to God is through suffering and short term missions. This morning when I was all into church and I told God that I want to seriously commit, he said to me, "ok. but this is not going to be an easy year. you are going to have some big ups and downs." I guess I can handle that. because "Though you stumble, you will not fall, for the Lord holds you by the hand." Psalm 37:24

Just thought I'd share some babbling with you.

Love you girls

Happy Monday!

Hey girls! I am not sure if you already subscribe to this, but Christina DiMari sends out an email every Monday to girls who have read her book and want to hear more from her. It is very similar to the Daily Readings sent out by Ransomed Heart. Anyway, I just thought you girls should know about it--because it is a nice reminder to start your week off with God. Becca and I talked about this yesterday--but we aren't feeling as close to God as we want to right now. I will be the first to admit that spending time with God does not seem as fun as enjoying single life for the first time at SCU. I will be the first to admit that I would rather be catching up wtih friends than reading the Bible. But I will also be the first to admit that I need God more than ever right now. And He is there. I know it. I am just having a hard time putting my heart back into the WM ministry and into my church and my God-based relationships. But I am praying about it, and it will come. Today's Happy Monday note was very simple. It was a photo of Christina's friend Daize Shayne (a professional surfer, recording artist, and a really sweet girl) surfing, along with this little piece of scripture: "Though you stumble, you will not fall, for the Lord holds you by the hand." Psalm 37:24 I don't know how many times I have talked about the right line coming at the right time--but this could not be any better for me right now. And based on what Becca and I talked about yesterday--Becca, this should be hitting home with you as well. And with every other Christian out there - none of us are perfect. We all hit bumps in the road. But we are LOVED by God, and that simple fact is often very hard for me to remember. Anyway, I just wanted to sen dyou guys a little note to remind you that while things get rough in the walk you may be on with the Lord, He is with us every step of the way, even when we feel He may not be. I love you girls!!



On another note, I have some news for both of you. I know I told you about Chris Ross in Argentina--how he was diagnosed with a severe form of Pancreatic Cancer and that his family was being hit pretty hard. I wanted to give you an update. He had surgery in November to remove all the tumors found. He was in chemo and radiation from when he was diagnosed in November until the 30th of December. On Friday, he went in for testing, and no more cancer was found! While that is amazing news, please continue to keep him in your prayers. Pancreatic Cancer is known for sneaking back more aggressively than it started--he will continue to go to the doctor every month in order to stay on top of any more cancer. But that isn't all. When he was diagnosed, his wife Ruth was having a lot of problems with it. She was really stressed out, and was having a hard time even finishing a sentence. Well, this problem started to get worse, and she decided to see a doctor to see if there was something wrong with her--she literally couldn't finish an answer to the question "How many children do you have and what are their names?" I know you can tell where this is going, but on Friday (the same day Chris was given a clean bill of health) the doctors found a severe brain tumor in Ruth. She is having surgery on Wednesday (it was THAT serious) and it apparently is not an easy surgery. The two biggest risks they told her about were death and loss of speech forever. So I really want to ask you guys to faithfully pray about this. Chris' office made bracelets that say "TEAM ROSS" for all of his friends and family to wear--little did they know it really would soon include the whole family. Anyway, if you could pray for TEAM ROSS and for a successful outcome for Ruth as well, I know the family and their friends and family (including me) would really appreciate it. Thank you so much!!! I love you girls!!!

**Bri**